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Surrogacy FAQs

I was thinking about this for a few days and while installing sheet rock in the kitchen last night, I thought, 'I'm going to make an FAQ about our journey.'  -don't get me wrong, we love, LOVE talking about it. Its so fascinating, so I get it. But there are some questions that you might be afraid to ask and so I'll answer them and then you'll know and won't have to feel weird or anything asking!

Who is the mother?
Well, there isn't really one and there won't be one. There was a kind young woman who signed away maternal rights to 32 of her eggs anonymously.

Do you know who she is? Do you know her medical history?
Nope, no clue who she is. And that's fine. She decided she wanted to be anonymous and we wanted to be able to keep things simple. The eggs came with a pretty involved medical history of her family, plus we all (even the embryo) had extensive genetic testing and analysis and we're all different enough that there shouldn't be any genetic problems. 

What if your child wants to know who their mother is?
Well...we're going to refer to her as the egg donor. I'm sure she doesn't want to be a mother in this instance...hence anonymous egg donor.  If there comes a day when our child is curious about everything we'll be transparent about it. We're not going to give our child delusions that they magically came from 2 dudes. That's just bad biology. 

So the woman carrying the baby isn't the mother?
The crazy thing is she has no genetic material in the game at all! She's an awesome generous woman who is holding our child until its ready to live and breathe on its own.  Thanks to miracles in science, she's basically a 9 month sleep away camp. She's housing and feeding our child until they're ready to come home.

Who is the father?
Good question. We don't know. We decided NOT to know. We specifically asked to not know. We didn't want our child to be his or mine. We just wanted it to be ours.

Is it a boy or a girl?
Also a really good question. We don't know. We decided NOT to know that either. In the IVF process, when determining which embryos will have the best chance of survival and development, the embryos undergo a chromosomal analysis after 5 days of growth.  When you look at chromosomes you inherently can see if DNA is male or female. So we could have chosen to have a boy or girl. We decided it was better not to choose. We decided not to know anything other than we were going to use the healthiest embryo.

Where is she going to give birth?
In her hometown in Wisconsin. We're going to drive up there and be there for the birth and then drive back with a new born!  (you just don't put a new born on a plane)

Will they let you in the room? What about her husband how does he feel about that and all of this? Isn't that weird?
We will be in the delivery room ready to take our baby and be a happy family.  He's pretty cool. He's stoked for us and just as excited as she is.  Um, sure?  I personally haven't stopped to think about it. But down to brass tacks, its a birth. And its our kid...sooo not really that weird.

Do you have names picked out?
Sure do! 

What are they?
We'll go public with the name of the baby when its born.

Hope that helps! If you still have questions, ask! We'll be happy to answer them!        


  1. Soooooooo totally cool! Thanks for sharing your story and excitement with the rest of us!


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