That 'new dad' look! (counting down...week 35)

Being homosexual comes inherently with challenges. 
Being a homosexual, married couple adds a few more hurdles to that pile.
Being a homosexual, married couple, expecting a baby?  Things start to get weird.

Actually, in the current sociopolitical climate, there have been many issues brought to light in dealing with equality and fairness; Women, people of color, homosexuals...all fighting some battle just to be treated with equal rights and protections under the law and from the rest of humanity.  

One group, which rightfully, isn't really included in the fight for equal protections or treatment (because they've been given the priority for basically most of history) are men.  Stay with me....

When you think of instincts when dealing with a child, what is that called?  -Maternal instinct

Who is said to have the closest relationship with the child? -the mother

The vast majority of baby books are written for? -Moms (and when they're not they're mostly geared to Dads about how to handle and help, moms)

Most baby clothing slogans are? -Mommy's little ____. (yes there are some dad ones, but they're not as prevalent)

I get it. Its just like everything else, it all stems from what we've done as a people 'traditionally.'

Taking a page from the Pride parade protesters signs, for example: A woman's place is in the kitchen...and a man is supposed to provide for his family. That's just the reality of the way people were taught how to be. 

It's 2017. You can marry if you're an interracial couple, women aren't expected to be (for the most part) stay at home moms (and if they are its because it was their choice), same sex couples can marry, and men are featured as stay-at-home dads in home product commercials. 

Gender stereotypes and norms are changing. 

One thing that hasn't changed?  People giving new and expectant parents advice. don't get me wrong, advice from people who've been through the poop blowout covered trenches of parenthood is excellent and always helpful. 

If its helpful. 

We heard a lot going into this that people will give their unsolicited opinions on everything from parents who received such information. I make the assumption that the VAST majority of parents have dealt with this, which is why I am writing this...

WHY WOULD YOU DO IT TO SOMEONE ELSE!?!?!?
Even more so, WHY would you make assumptions about the life of a stranger??

Dustin was in a pretty common all-in-one store looking for toys for our friend's 2-year-old son.  A woman walking through the section, turns to him (and I know these things are not meant to be harmful) but she says compassionately,
        "Oh, I know. It can be really overwhelming for new dads..."

Wait, what?  First of all you're making some pretty big assumptions about someone you don't know!
     - That he's a dad
     - That he's actually overwhelmed
     - That he's looking for something for his child

We've both encountered several instances of this, and its not meant maliciously. I get it. Its an attempt at jovial small talk because you think its cute. We've both been pretty respectful of those people but you reach a point...

Which brings me to the main event here in our blog...Dustin doesn't always write updates, but today he wrote a pretty insightful post about his interactions with a woman in an all-Us-Baby store while he was looking for a second car seat base for his car... 

"We have received quite a bit of parenting advice from a lot of people which is welcomed and to be expected, most of which has started some really great conversations between Ryan and I. What I don't understand is how people don't get the difference between advice and insult? Women specifically.

Today marked the second time that a random women came up to me in a store as I was pricing out things and said, 

     "Oh the new dad look, don't worry your wife will help you understand it all!"

The First was along the same lines insinuating that dads know nothing. The lady today got an ear full and put in her place; this isn't just coming from strangers but friends and family also.

Get this, just because we don't have breasts,  doesn't mean we won't be able to raise a well looked after and adjusted child.

I know this is hard to read but I don't know a single new mom that has known every single answer every time. The whole baby market somehow make it ok for dads to be thought of as useless and completely incompetent.
Its extremely frustrating.

Our kid will be loved, taken care of and taught to love others and YES it's all going to happen by TWO competent fathers.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about to help clear up advice versus insults.

Advice: 
- XYZ worked best for us. 
- change first and feed second so they get milk drunk and you don't wake them changing them, or feed first, then change so they have a clean diaper to fall asleep with.
- don't waste money on these products, we've had better luck with these. 
- a crying baby is a breathing baby.

Insult: 
- How will the kid be comforted when they wake up? (as if only moms can do such a thing) 
- Don't worry your wife will know. 
- You HAVE to do XYZ! (our kid not yours !!) 
- How will you explain no mom? (Well that's not really an insult and we know you're curious, but it is a conversation that Ryan and I have that doesn't concern you, because its not your job and GOD HELP the person that does it.)
- Who's going to stay home with the kid? (Is this the 1950's??? Its a little hypocritical for women to be telling me I have to stay home and be a house wife when there was a whole movement to get women in the work force, not just in the kitchen and raising a kid )

Just for God's sake please be aware of what you are saying. Like we said in our FAQs, we're very open about talking about this and educating people on the process. This was not an oops, we are excited and nervous as all new parents are, but PLEASE stick with advice not insults."